Mother-in-Law Survival Guide

February 12, 2010 by  
Filed under Married Life

Sure, we have heard a lot of horror stories and funny anecdotes on marriages and relationships gone sour due to meddling mother-in-laws. In fact, it wouldn’t be surprising to discover that the very definition of mother-in-law has become synonymous to “manipulative”, “overbearing” and “scheming”. But how does one become a mother-in-law, and what is exactly the job description this new role entails? There have been limited, if any, instructional guides and resources that provide advice on relationships with your son’s spouse and what is expected of you in this new “job”.

For doting mothers, it can be heartbreaking to finally handing over the care of her precious son to someone else. Of course, there is also that little fact that you could no longer show up at your son’s doorsteps on impulse without appearing overly intrusive or attracting apprehension or suspicion from the wife. Where do you exactly fit in, anyway?

Advice on relationships is more often made available to new brides dealing with difficult mother-in-laws and monster moms. According to the American Sociological Association, there is very minimal research conducted on this particular relationship, and some studies have shown that there are very little expectations for such relationship to actually thrive. In fact, Deborah Merill, author of “Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law Relationships in Later Life: The Impact of Geographic and Occupational Mobility” claims that the essential and fundamental factors that would determine the value as well as quality of the relationship are too often not sufficiently explored.

But let us all take delight in the fact that not all mother-in-laws live up to the notorious reputation society has painted them out to be. It is a pity that the term “mother-in-law” invokes a series of not-so-appealing connotations. However, experts advice on relationships between daughter-in-laws and mother-in-laws, the former should be treated as just a third party who took away your beloved son, but an additional daughter to care for just like your very own.

It greatly helps to avoid dishing out unsolicited advice and invite your daughter-in-law’s opinion instead. Marital woes of the couple should also remain in the family and should not be subjected and dissected at the leisure with your friends. Above all, treat your daughter-in-law with utmost respect and warmth. After all, the transition and adjustments she has to go through with her marriage are overwhelming enough, to say the least. It would be a welcome and comforting thought that she has the support and encouragement of her mother-in-law.

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